The Hungry Ghost

I am back. There is nothing like a good, sweaty, Bikram session to relax the mind and body. So, back to the loss of Limbo.

Folks, I am not upset by the prospect of closing down the daycare center. Quite the opposite. Trust me when I tell you, this – my competitor can have all the little red-faced brats he wants. I am done, done, done with all the screaming and crying – and for no apparent reason. It would be acceptable, even expected, if they were crying, say, from lack of sleep, permanent hunger, or the mere inconvenience of sewing labels on designer jeans all day (that is a job for children over five.) However, crying simply to cry, well that is just plain annoying. I love children, I just can’t abide them.

Here is the rub. That Mr. Pope What’s-His-Fuck XVI must have balls the size of the moon to assemble the necessary chutzpa to claim this as his idea. I have been trying to rid myself of this burden for centuries, and for centuries, my esteemed competitor has responded that Limbo was my responsibility. If you think for one second that trying to find the key to speaking to a human at your bank or Dell Computers is tough, try asking “Him” to reconsider a decision. You might as well accept your lot in life and move on. Period. Fine – I accepted Limbo. I even built an entire dammed company around it.

NOW, without warning, the Vatican reverses their decision to send the unbaptized my direction, and BAM! – in the blink of an eye my entire organization is defunct, bankrupt – kaput. Now, I’ll have to reorganize everything, shift around the call center, retrain my team members in other areas, and schedule a face-to-face meeting with marketing to come up with new and enticing variations on the theme of waiting around. I think I might call in the CEO of Jet Blue Airlines – he seems to have waiting down to an art. Every day is a learning experience. Oh, the expense! Remember the shit shortage – well, this reduces our supply by 5 tons a month and baby-shit is a premium product. I am in negotiations with the City of Mumbai to sell me their excess, but that leaves our supply chain vulnerable. Maybe, Bangalore could pitch in – I’ll have my secretary give them a call. Curry is magical and does so much to lift the spirits in Malebolge. I hate to let people down.

OY Vey! – I need a holiday.

Just one day out of life
It would be, it would be so nice!

Another day, another problem…

I received a call from the City of Dis Development Agency informing me that nearly all of their Sodomites quit and either left the company, or moved to another division. Apparently, news got out that my competitor no longer felt they were undesirable and had put out the word that the conditions were better – offering all takers a year of free Internet access and unlimited passwords – something I cannot compete with right now. The last time something similar happened, we lost all of our Ancient Poets. In the middle of the call, I glanced down at my calendar and realized that I have been working non-stop for nearly five thousand years. It is all so exhausting. I have to leave now and head up to HR to see if we can ramp up our recruiting processes to replace the Sodomites. I am thinking Adulterers, but I’ll hold my decision until I hear what the managers are going to propose. I need a vacation.

I am back. Well, the problem with the Sodomites is resolved – it turned out my competitor had not forgiven them, the story was a lie, which started as a rumor by a team member in EternaLust. All ended well and I an happy to report that I was able to recapture and rehire every soul – they are all happily back to work, toiling and tending their beloved open and burning tombs. I learned something new today, however. Sodomites love the Internet. Who knew? Note to self, invest in Google.

I must leave for now to attend an orientation meeting with a “high-profile” new hire. The buzz around the Company is that he is creating a minor commotion – something about Teletubbies and being in the wrong place.

Copyright© 2007 Mark B. Papale All rights reserved