Hey Kids!
Now, I don’t normally write two entries in one month, but today I was reviewing my “Search Engine Terms,” (these are the words or phrases people enter to search the Internets for information) and I discovered that many of you are unhappy with your bosses. One such search term that caught my attention was “vengeful bosses spreading rumors.” I pondered this thought and decided that rather than address this important topic myself, I would step aside and introduce you to one of my managers, a “boss” if you will, and allow her to tackle the issue.
Now, before I introduce you, indulge me as I fill in a bit of her background. First, this team member is a new-hire, and she comes to us with a wealth of management experience. At an early age, she learned the value of cheating, lying and stealing and using these valued skills, broke up a marriage, alienated her family, and built a vast empire with hundreds, no, thousands of employees. When she joined us, she, a woman who knows the value of a contract, barely missed a beat and quickly settled into her new job as the Senior Hiring Manager for Minotaur Recruiting Services; a position that enables her unlimited opportunities to torture and punish disgruntled employees. With this in mind and without any further ado, I now present to you, Ms. Leona Helmsley, Team Member of the Month!
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“Thank You, Luc. You are so kind. It is a pleasure being here. I am a busy woman, so let’s get to the point. Whoever was searching for “vengeful bosses spreading rumors” is clearly a goddamn whiner. Get a life. You are a looser. You are obviously trying to cover up the fact that you are a hussy by throwing down a smoke bomb and calling it a rumor. Face it. You should be lucky to have a job. Get off your boss’ ass, stop surfing the Internet on company time and get back to work. Goddamn, ungrateful sloth. Come work for me. I’ll show you vengeful!”
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Thank you, Leona. Whew! That is what I call passion; it makes me proud to run a company filled with such great people. So, Kids, the lesson today is this: bosses are not vengeful people. We are kind, generous folk, who out of the goodness of our hearts, allow you to work for us. Be thankful. Be understanding. Being a boss is a difficult and burdensome gift. Now, get back to work, but be sure to check back next month.
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Copyright© 2007 Mark B. Papale All rights reserved
Hi – I work in a call center and I can assure you that Ms. Helmsley has nothing on my boss. She is so evil I doubt even you would want her!
I like to think of myself as a benevolent, caring boss.
I like to THINK that, but in reality I must confess I am an utter swine.
Francine – you may have noticed that I have a call center of my own. Rest assured, there is space for your boss – we are always in need of assistance.
Lord Likely – Perhaps you are swine, but I am quite confident you lack udders.
Another stellar entry. I am thoroughly enjoying this series.
Thank you, Keith.
Hello,
I found your site searching for “Devil Wears Prada,” and I am loving your story. I work for a tour operator and my boss is evil, evil, evil. Talk about lying, cheating and stealing. I think Leona is tame.
Name Withheld for Fear of a Beating
Dear Name Withheld,
I am glad you found me; I actually do wear Prada, although I find Dolce & Gabbana more to my taste. I digress. So, I would not worry to much about fear of reprisal. In my experience, bosses like yours are too busy covertly reading your e-mails, leaving little time to search the Internets for your comments.
I have one very large udder, that produces a special kind of milk.
Hi, I found your site on Fuel My Blog and I love it! I added you to my favorites and “fueled” you.
Beverly Bowman
Hi Beverly: Thank you so much for “fueling” me. I was beginning to wonder if anybody could find me over there. I hope to see you again soon.
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Dear, Mr. Lord: Warning: Objects in Mirror are Larger Than They Appear…
I think the music adds a nice touch! And I love the new story!
Hi C. Dalton-Brockovich,
I was afraid when I first read your name! It reminded me of something terrible in my past. Thanks for visiting, I am glad you like both the story and the music.
mark
Wow.
I HAVE to aim higher in life.
amm
Luc –
Must say I like the honesty. I’d rather work for a boss that is up front in nastiness than one who is nasty and plays nice-nice head games. I have a resume to send …
As an aside – Mark – I’m slowly going through your pieces, as I’ve just found you via Death Sweep. I am really liking what I am reading !!!
Well, thank you for for visiting and thanks to Deathsweep for the referral. I would read further before sending in a resume! (On second thought, anybody who refers to herself as “Evil Queen of the Universe”, or “She Who Must be Obeyed”, is welcome to apply.)