The Hungry Ghost

Hello Kiddies!

I have taken a little heat as of late. It seems I am not reporting in as much as people would like. Now, I would love nothing more than to sit around writing, but alas, I have an empire to run, bills to pay and people to recruit. I’ll do my best with the time I have, for after all, without you – my adoring fans – I am nothing. Now please, sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight…

This week I am going to share with you another e-mail I received.

Remember the chap who had a pacemaker put into his chest as a tactic to delay reporting to duty? Well, he’s back… and as is typical of his sort, he is asking me for a favor. Now, because this man is rather secretive, most of his e-mail was redacted. However, with the aid of modern technology, I was able to recover most of what was hidden and, as a show my gratitude to you – my adoring fans – everything is available for your viewing pleasure. If you see blacked out lines, all you need to do it to highlight them with your mouse-thingy and like magic, the redacted words will appear. Isn’t that great? Who loves me? Let’s have a show of hands!

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Dear Luc,

First, thank you for all you have helped me to steal and achieve. I knew in advance, but never guessed that by taking the number two position to that dumb-ass cartoon character, I would have the unprecedented opportunity to grab so much power. Hell, my dick is hard just thinking about it. Too bad my wife and daughter are fucking lesbos.

So, I was sitting in the Oval Office last night trying to come up with a scare tactic that would ensure we could steal the upcoming elections, when out of Carl Rove’s mouth came an idea so wonderful, I knew I had to make it a reality.

So, here is the plan…

In case you haven’t noticed, our bitch/puppet, President Musharraf, figured out a brilliant plan to control the press and courts and I want the same unchallengeable power and cooperation from the American People.

Imagine, being able to place Nancy Pelosi under house arrest like Mr. Musharraf did to that loud mouthed Benazir Bhutto woman.

Imagine having control over and cooperation from CNN, NBC, and ABC, like we do over at FOX.

Imagine getting rid of all those goddamn activist judges and stacking the courts with conservative lemmings whose only purpose is to allow me free reign to torture anybody I deem the enemy.

Imagine the billions I and my friends will earn from war profiteering.

Imagine having the opportunity to nail Condie like a dog, right here in the Oval Office.

Imagine…

I beg of you. Please help me in any way you can! Time is running out and I fear that unless you grant me my wish, I may well end up in prison listening to that shrew-bitch Hillary demand people call her Madame President.

Yours very truly,

Dick

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Dear Dick,

I am speechless. It is as if I am reading a letter from my own child. How could I deny you? Whatever you ask, but please, don’t delay reporting to duty as agreed. Your skills are much needed and though you may face resistance now, I assure you easier times lie ahead.

Forever yours,

Luc

PS – Mr. Hussein says hello. He misses you and he is looking forward catching up over tea and sweets.

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Copyright© 2007 Mark B. Papale All rights reserved